Thursday, January 22, 2015

BREAKING NEWS: Famed Haggis Hunter in Snow Drift Struggle!


By Speyside Specialities (live on scene)

Welcome to Speyside Specialities live updates of our famed haggis hunter Hairy McGreevey, who is stuck head first in a snow drift, feet facing the skies, after diving for a haggis. 

8:12: Hairy McGreevey's wife arrives on scene, showing signs of mild distress and exclaiming 
that if Hairy is not rescued from his predicament, soon his ears will freeze.

9:01: UPDATE. Weather in Scottish highlands worsens.

9:05: What can only be described as colourful language, can be heard coming from Hairy. We currently have our specialist 'stuck in snowdrift' language experts deciphering the speech. 

9:15: Hairy is still making a din from under his snowdrift. As far as we can make out, he is saying... he wishes he had worn his wooly pants that his grandmother had knitted him for Christmas as the strong icy winds are freezing his bottom.

9:16: Hairy's wife can be heard shouting, "Hairy, you shouldn't have worn your kilt either!"

9:52: Experts are called on scene and explain in an exclusive interview with Speyside Specialities, that apparently Hairy had been sipping on some of Scotland's finest home made nectar all morning which has helped him keep warm. 

10:03: All efforts so far to free Hairy have failed, not to mention the fact that the sight of his bare legs and nobly knees are not helping the situation.

12:14: A severe snow storm has hampered Hairy McGreevey's rescue over the last few hours. It would seem that his headfirst position in the snow drift with his feet stuck in the air has resulted in his upturned kilt filling with snow and making him extra heavy to heave out. 

12:31: After much digging and tugging Hairy has eventually been freed.

12:33: As far as we can gather from the scene, it has reminded us about the children's story of the farmer and his giant turnip, which is quite apt due to Haggis being served with neeps (mashed turnip) and tatties!

12:35: A freed Hairy has taken off down the hill at an extreme rate of knots heading to the warmth of the bothy. What a sight! His long frozen beard is stuck to his chest, his kilt flying asunder and disappearing into the blizzard. 

12:51: Apparently all is well and Hairy is now wrapped up warm in front of the fire with a large tumbler full of Scotch whiskey. As for today's Haggis hunt... it has been quite poor! 

Everyone at Speyside Specialities is glad to hear that Hairy is okay and recovering well from his ordeal. We hope to see him back up the hills tomorrow for a successful day of haggis hunting! 

Please send your best wishes to Hairy as he is feeling a little embarrassed and some cheering up from around the world would be much appreciated! Maybe tomorrow we can get a few words from him about his misfortune. Stay tuned!

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